No Greater Love

13 Greater love has no one than this that he lay down his life for his friends. 14 You are my friends if you do what I command. 15 I no longer call you servants, because a servant does not know his master's business. Instead, I have called you friends, for everything that I learned from my Father I have made known to you. 16 You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit--fruit that will last. Then the Father will give you whatever you ask in my name. 17 This is my command: Love each other.

John 15:13-17 (NIV)
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Ed carried his bride of 9 years down the stairs and into the living room. He waltzed once around the room making her laugh. Ah, her laugh, it was like wind chimes on a soft spring day. “A most elegant dance move, sir”. Esther said her eyes dancing though her body could not. She was amazed that he was able to carry her so easily; especially now that she was only 2 days shy of being 8 months pregnant. Ed kissed her forehead and then lowered her onto the big overstuffed sofa facing the huge picture window that overlooked the woods behind their home. “I’ll be right back with your tea, my lady.” Ed bowed low and headed to the kitchen.

He returned in a moment with a tray laden with herbal tea, toast, fruit and a single white rose in a bud vase. “Oh, Ed”, Esther exclaimed. “Wherever did you find a white rose this time of year? It’s lovely.” He bent down on one knee and arranged the tray on the footstool so that it was within easy reach for her and then picked up her hands in his and kissing them said, “No feat is too great for Mr. Darcy.” She laughed and then he leaned in and kissed her cheek as he whispered, “I love you, Mrs. Darcy.” She swatted him in mock annoyance as she said, “no more Jane Austin for you; it’s going to your head. Whatever would your friends say if they knew you spent the evening watching Pride and Prejudice?” He laughed as he stood and said, “If you tell them I will deny it; now drink your tea.” She began laughing and then could not get her breath and he quickly ran up the stairs taking 4 at a time and returned within seconds with the oxygen tank and placed the mask over her nose and directed her to breathe. After a few minutes her breathing slowed to normal and the color returned to her cheeks.

“Alright, now that will be enough of that behavior today,” he said with a smile on his lips but Ed’s eyes betrayed the heaviness in his heart. “I could send my dad to run these errands, Esther”, he gently suggested but Esther reassured him that she and the baby were fine. She rested her hand on Ed’s cheek and said, “I promise I will stay right here until you get back. Besides, you can hardly send your dad to pick up his own Christmas gift now can you? You need some fresh air and I need some quiet time.” “Well, if you are sure”, Ed said picking up her quiet time basket and moving it near enough that she could get to it easily without getting up. “Yes, I’m sure.” She said taking a sip of tea.

It was Christmas Eve and Esther was unable to do her usual festivities for family and friends but they were still having their parents over just for dessert and presents. Esther had made a list and Ed was going to take care of everything. Ed brought out a fresh cup of tea and made sure she had a pitcher of water as well. And last but not least he wheeled in the potty chair or “her ladyship’s throne” as Ed had dubbed it. Esther sighed but Ed wagged a finger at her before she could speak. “Esther, I know you hate it but I will not go and run these errands unless you promise me that you will use this instead of trying to get to the bathroom. It’s too far for you to walk on your own. Promise me or I won’t go.” Esther started to roll her eyes but heard that still small voice from somewhere that said, “Esther, let go.” “Yes, I promise.” She said.

Humility was most certainly one of the things Esther had learned since this journey began. Ed walked over as he put on his coat and gloves, set her cell phone next to her along with the emergency call button in the event something happened she could press it and the paramedics would be called and he would be paged. He then knelt down in front of her looked deep into her eyes as he said, “I love you, Esther.” “And I love you, Ed”, she whispered. With that he kissed her gently, picked up his keys and went out the door into the brisk December morning.

“Alone at last,” Esther sighed to herself as she nibbled her toast and sipped tea. She looked out the window taking in the view. The trees were heavy with snow that had fallen during the night and the sky was dark with the promise of more to come. “Hmmm…,”Esther thought to herself, “dark with promise”. She took her journal and a pen from the basket that held her quiet time supplies and wrote the words down, “dark with promise”. She wasn’t sure of their significance but wrote them down anyway.

She looked slowly around the living room and finally her eyes came to rest on the Christmas tree. Ed had decorated it himself and was quite pleased with his completed work. It had taken Esther all of her self-control to be quiet as he worked. She had always decorated the tree and she had certain places she liked the ornaments to hang and not a single one hung now where she thought it should be and the silver star that topped the tree sat precariously as though it may fall at any moment and instead of facing straight ahead toward the picture window it faced sideways. Her eyes continued to survey the room; the furniture needed dusting and the ficus tree that stood in the corner drooped as though sad; yellow leaves dotted the carpet below it like teardrops.

She looked at the huge picture window and realized they hadn’t been to Whitmore’s Tree Farm to purchase the wreath. They had hung a huge wreath in the center of that window every Christmas for 9 years until now. “Ah well,” Esther sighed. “Next year”….she stopped. She looked back at the tree, “Will this be my last Christmas?” She wondered out loud. She and Ed had dreamed about their baby’s first Christmas and how they would sit by firelight by the tree, drinking hot cocoa as Ed read the story of Christ’s birth. Would she be here for that or would Ed be sitting alone telling the story to their baby. She closed her eyes trying to envision the scene but she couldn’t see herself there.

A tear slid down her cheek as she looked again at the displaced ornaments on the tree that resembled her life. Nothing was in its place; it was all unfamiliar and uncomfortable. Just as she had to sit quietly and watch Ed place the ornaments in all the wrong places she had watched as God had arranged her life in ways she did not like; nothing was the way she had planned or the way she wanted it; and when she had protested her Lord’s voice soft and low said, “let Go, Esther.” Well she didn’t want to let go. She wanted to hang on. A sob which had been kept deep within for months finally broke free from her broken heart and the tears flowed but not for long as she suddenly felt as though she were suffocating and in a panic she fumbled for the oxygen mask and finding it placed it over her face and breathed deeply trying to stop the flow of tears and find a normal rhythm for her heart.

When her breathing returned to normal she lay the oxygen mask at her side and leaned her head back against the soft cushions of the sofa and closed her eyes. Maybe Ruth was right, she thought to herself. She remembered vividly the day she and Ed had shared their decision with their parents. His mother, Ruth, had jumped up and said it was the most selfish decision she’d ever heard of. If I truly loved her son I would do what the doctor recommended. Esther’s eyes flew open; what was she thinking? “Lord, forgive me.” She reached down and picked up her Bible from the basket and opened it to Psalms 119. She’d been there for weeks and inwardly she ran there now; ran to Him and sat at His feet just as she had done since she was a young girl.

She picked up her reading at verse 25, “I am laid low in the dust; preserve my life according to your word. I recounted my ways and you answered me; teach me your decrees. Let me understand the teaching of your precepts; then I will meditate on your wonders. My soul is weary with sorrow; strengthen me according to your word. Keep me from deceitful ways; be gracious to me through your law. I have chosen the way of truth; I have set my heart on your laws. I hold fast to your statutes, O Lord; do not let me be put to shame. I run in the path of your commands, for you have set my heart free. Teach me, O Lord, to follow your decrees; then I will keep them to the end. Give me understanding, and I will keep your law and obey it with all my heart. Direct me in the path of your commands, for there I find delight. Turn my heart toward your statutes and not toward selfish gain. Turn my eyes away from worthless things; preserve my life according to your word.

The words were like balm to her soul and comfort flooded her and she recognized His presence there with her now. She laid her Bible in her lap and closed her eyes. Memories flooded her mind; a little green eyed girl with soft auburn hair sitting in the sun in Ecuador where her parents served as missionaries. She remembered her mother telling the women in the village the story of the woman at the well. There was a well on the property where they lived and Esther would go there every day and pretend that Jesus was there waiting for her and they would have long talks. She didn’t understand it then but it was the beginning of her daily habit of quiet times. Pouring out her heart and then listening to Him.

Then one day her father announced that they would be leaving Ecuador and returning to the United States. He had been offered a position with a Christian organization and he believed God was calling him to do that. Esther did not want to leave and she cried the selfish tears of a 9 year old who only knows and cares about her own way. She ran out to the well and sat in the dirt sobbing and telling Jesus how unfair it all was. It was the first time she heard that soft voice tell her, “Let go, Esther.” That seemed to be something the Lord had to say to her again and again during her life and she wondered if she would ever be able to truly do it.

Esther finished growing up in the United States but kept a dream tucked away of one day being a missionary. But instead of becoming a missionary, she met a wonderful Christian man named Ed, fell in love and married him. They built a life together and dreamed of having a large family. When children didn’t come they began to explore adoption and were in the process of meeting with 3 different Christian adoption agencies when they found out they were expecting. They were so excited. They prepared the nursery, chose names, bought clothes and planned carefully.

Esther coughed and picked up the oxygen mask. “False alarm”, she breathed a sigh of relief and returned to her thoughts. She wasn’t exactly sure how it started; it was just a feeling; a heaviness in her chest and then a few weeks later she began experiencing shortness of breath. She went to the doctor but they dismissed it as overexertion and told her to rest. The feeling persisted and at the end of her third month she and Ed were at the grocery store and she could not get her breath and she passed out in the produce section.

She woke up in the emergency room hooked up to a heart monitor and other machines that whirred and beeped. For 3 days they ran tests and then that moment that Doctor Ross had come and sat with her and Ed and told them those horrible words. “We need to terminate this pregnancy,” he said matter of factly. It seemed Esther had some impossible to pronounce heart condition. No one knew how she came to have it or when; it just was. She heard Ed’s voice speaking as though he were in a fog, “What if we don’t terminate the pregnancy?” Doctor Ross looked at us as though we had just sprouted horns before his very eyes but he quickly composed himself and then answered in his most serious “doctor” voice, “If you should choose to continue the pregnancy you will experience more and more frequent and severe shortness of breath which could put you into full cardiac arrest. No. No, you cannot do that. Your only option is to terminate now. I’d like to schedule it for the day after tomorrow first thing.” He finished and looked at us expecting we would fall into line but instead we said we needed to go home and pray. “Pray?” He said as though we just spoke a foreign language. Ed looked unapologetically into the doctors eyes as he stood and helped Esther to her feet as he said, “ Yes, doctor. Pray.” With that they left.

It was the longest night of their lives. She and Ed sat on this very sofa pouring over God’s Word together and then stopping to pray. At one point Ed dozed off and Esther began reading in John and when she got to John 15:13 she stopped. Jesus was talking to the disciples and His words jumped off the page and into her soul, “Greater love has no on than this; that he lay down his life for his friends.” Esther remembered the impact of those words and she was moved to tears and she felt like that 9 year old back in Ecuador throwing herself into the dirt with loud sobs. It wasn’t fair. What of everyone else, what about Ed,” she cried. Jesus replied to her childish outburst with words from John 21:22 when he was talking to Peter, Jesus answered, “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you? You must follow me.”

Ed’s voice interrupted her thoughts as he read Psalm 139 out loud starting at verse 13: For you created my inmost being you knit me together in my mother’s womb. I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well. My frame was not hidden from you when I was made in the secret place. When I was woven together in the depths of the earth, your eyes saw my unformed body. All the days ordained for me were written in your book before one of them came to be.

They looked at each other through tears knowing the answer. Life was precious. God Himself had knit together this little one she was carrying inside her womb and God knew its days just as He knew Esther’s and Ed’s. They would obey Him and trust Him with the outcome.

Esther looked outside, snow had begun to fall. “Lord, none of this was my plan but I trust that it is yours, please help me to follow you.” She barely finished her prayer when she began coughing and then something unexpected happened as she reached for the pitcher of water, her water broke. She wasn’t sure what to reach for, water, the oxygen mask, her cell phone but her fingers found the emergency call button and she pressed it as with her other hand she got the oxygen mask over her nose. She wasn’t sure how much time had passed when she heard commotion through the fuzziness of her mind and saw Ed and some people she didn’t know and then her dad. She heard her own voice calling out but it sounded strangely disconnected and far away as she cried, “Daddy. Daddy. This isn’t the plan”. The voice that replied was that of another Father. Her Heavenly Father as He said, “It’s my plan, daughter. Follow me, Esther. Let go.”

She drifted in and out of consciousness catching bits and pieces of conversations. She felt jostled about and then the word “donor” and “act quickly” and then silence. Where did the voices go she wondered as everything fell still; but then she felt a breeze on her skin it was cool and through the darkness God’s promises poured over her like a soft blanket and as one by one the words penetrated her soul comfort and strength seemed to well up from deep within. And then she saw light somewhere in the distance and drew closer and then a voice pierced the fog that tried to hold her captive; it was Ed’s voice. “Esther. Esther.” She opened her eyes but could not speak. “Oh, Esther. We have a girl. She’s beautiful; she has your eyes and auburn hair. Esther, that isn’t all. As we arrived at the hospital a donor heart became available. You have a new heart, Esther and a daughter. Life, Esther. You have life. Merry Christmas, Esther,” Ed whispered as he kissed her cheek.

Three months later Esther stood in front of the picture window holding her daughter Rachel in her arms with Ed by her side and he tenderly wrapped his arms around his family. They had planned a picnic out on the lawn but as they watched Robins hopping about on the grass looking for worms in the muddy earth thunder rumbled in the distance. It had rained during the night and storm clouds hung heavy in the sky rearranging their plans but Esther did not fear for she knew the Plan-maker and no matter how fierce the storm; or how dark the sky; the sky was always dark with His promise; and His promises were able to cut through the thick darkness shining glorious light to those who would let go and follow Him.

Conversation Point:

In our story tonight Esther had to put aside what she wanted. She had to lay aside “self” and obey God. We may never face a “life or death” situation but we are asked daily to “die to self” and live to Christ. We saw Esther struggle with wanting to be in control. She wanted to be a warrior on the mission-field but instead God placed her in a position of solitude and she felt sidelined. Where did she turn?

Look up Matthew 16:24-26. Write down what strikes you about this passage.


When you think about John 15:13 and then Matthew 16:24-26 what does it mean to you? What cross are you carrying? What does it mean to you to take up your cross and follow Jesus?

An Original Conversation at the Well by Diana Morgan, December 3, 2007