“And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart.” (Ezekiel 36:26 NLT)
I gave my husband a kiss and jogged off into the darkness, leaving him and Teddy, our golden retriever, at the dog park with all their dog park friends. Normally by 5:15 I would be done with my morning run and be happily sipping coffee while having my quiet time with the Lord. But my daughter Elizabeth is off having a grand adventure in Costa Rica and my husband and I decided it probably wasn’t wise to go running at four o’clock in the morning by myself. So I switched up my schedule. I still get up at the same time but I have my quiet time first and then go running while Marc and Teddy hang out at the dog park with a group of men who take their dogs to the park at that same time each morning.
I actually find I enjoy this new schedule. Sitting with the Lord first allows me the opportunity to ponder His Word while I run. I like to ponder, don’t you? I turned eastward just as a barn owl flew through the palm trees that lined the street; their graceful fronds gently swaying as the powerful wings of the owl carried him off into the pre-dawn darkness. “How I love the morning,” I thought to myself. There is something about this time of morning when the world is still that nourishes my spirit.
I know many people who prefer to sleep in but not me. I want to get up and wrap my arms around the stillness of the morning; to rejoice in the color of night as it wakes up to the dawn and the stars begin to turn out their lights and the moon begins her descent until she hides behind the mountain peaks. I like to bask in the glorious stillness before the world wakes up and stirs everything into a frenzied pace – as the world likes to do.
I headed south towards the lake and my thoughts turned to the New Year we were beginning. “A new day in a new year,” I thought to myself. “A new woman, with a new heart in a new day in a new year,” He said. I hadn’t heard Him arrive and my heart looked at Him who loves me and smiled. We were running passed the lake and I slowed my pace as I took in the reflection of the mountains on the water. My friend, Mr. Swan floated gracefully across the water trumpeting a hearty good morning to us, and He who gave the swan its voice laughed and it seemed to me that the trees clapped their hands and all the ducks joined in the celebration of the new day He had given.
“What are you thinking about?” He asked as we headed into mile number four. I knew He already knew my thoughts, but He loves it when I tell Him everything, even the smallest details. “Well,” I said, “I was just thinking about the verses we read together in Ezekiel 36 this morning. You know the ones about the heavenly heart surgery where you take out the stony heart of sin and replace it with a new heart with new and right desires – a heart that obeys you.” I fell silent as I listened to my shoes make a clop, clop, clop sort of sound on the concrete as we ran. I looked down at His feet, you know the ones with the scars on them, and I wondered that His feet didn’t make all the noise my earth feet made, and why was it He could run four miles and never be out of breath. He laughed then, and I knew He had heard my thoughts – even my unspoken deep ones. I laughed too.
“Why is it,” I continued, “that new hearts sometimes do old things? It doesn’t seem like it should be that way. It’s so, so hurtful.” I finished, my eyes looking at the ground as we ran. A verse from His book came to mind then from James 3:11: “Can both fresh water and salt water flow from the same spring?” I knew those words were about what came off the tongue, but His book also tells us that what comes out of a person either in word or deed begins in the heart. I knew that old things came out of my heart too – it was an ongoing battle. “Why is it that way?” I whispered. “You must choose it,” His voice came softly through my soul. “Choose what?” I asked. “Newness,” He replied. We approached the dog park just then. We laughed as we saw Teddy standing at the fence with his head peeking through the fence. I lightly touched his velvety nose as we ran by, calling out a greeting to Marc as we continued our run. I couldn’t help but take a moment to thank Him whom my soul loves for the man He had given me as my husband and friend. “You are welcome,” He replied.
We returned to our conversation as I asked, “To choose newness sounds easy, so why don’t we always choose it?” I asked. “Weak walls,” He replied. My heart looked at Him questioningly. The scars on His brow – you know the deep ones where the soldiers so cruelly pushed a crown of thorns, grew more pronounced and I knew we were having a most serious talk indeed. So my heart leaned in closer as my feet continued running – I love that even when I am running my heart can be still at the Well of His presence – and He told me a story. It’s a story of new hearts and choosing the new over the old. I hope you like it as much as I did.
Cora sat very still in the chair that sat before the window that overlooked the lake. Her eyes appeared tired, her frame too thin and her bent posture made her look much older than her thirty years. “Good morning beautiful,” Peter said as he entered the room. Cora looked up at her husband as he knelt by the chair and kissed the end of her nose as he gently picked up her hands in his. “So what are your plans for today?” he asked. “Same as yesterday and the day before that and the day before that and…” Cora’s voice trailed off and disappeared in a cloud of defeat.
“Cora, it’s such a pretty morning. There are daffodils blooming down by the lake. You always loved daffodils. I could wheel you down there and then very gently and slowly we can walk by the water.” Peter stood and headed to the corner of the room where the wheelchair sat. But Cora would have nothing to do with it. “No, Peter. I won’t do it. I won’t go.” She said in a voice almost too soft to hear.” “But Cora,” Peter began. But before he could say more, Cora held up a hand indicating she would not listen to his plea. Her mind was made up.
Peter returned the still unused wheelchair to the corner just as Nurse Thompson entered the room. The nurse nodded toward Cora with a questioning look in her eyes and Peter silently shook his head in response to her wordless question, letting her know that nothing in Cora had changed. Peter motioned Nurse Thompson out into the hallway and she followed him out, closing the door quietly behind them.
Peter’s voice was desperate as he said in hushed tones, “I don’t know how to reach Cora. I have done everything I know to do but she refuses to leave the room; refuses to do any of the exercises. She can’t stay in the rehab center forever. I, I don’t know what to do,” he finished. “May I pray with you?” Nurse Thompson asked. Peter’s head shot up as he looked at her and said, “I didn’t know you were a Christian. Yes, please do pray.” So standing in the hallway a kind, gentle Jesus lover prayed for a man who had run out of ideas and for a woman who was trapped by fear of the new and so was clinging to the old.
“Thank you,” Peter said as Nurse Thompson finished talking to Jesus about this couple of whom she had grown very fond indeed. “Don’t give up,” she said as Peter opened the door of Cora’s room. Peter walked over and in the most cheerful voice he could muster said, “Cora, I am heading to work. I will be back around noon. What sounds good to you for lunch?” He waited but no reply came so he kissed his wife’s forehead, picked up his briefcase and headed off into the world; a world oblivious to the pain he and Cora were in.
Peter stepped off the elevator, walked through the lobby and as he walked through the double glass doors into the glorious sunshine, he made a decision. He pulled his cell phone from the clip on his belt and dialed a familiar number. “Good morning,” a cheerful voice greeted. “Hey Bob,” Peter said, forcing himself to sound normal in the midst of the abnormal. “How are you doing Pete?” Bob asked with genuine concern for his friend in his voice. Peter began to say he was fine, but suddenly felt a nudge by an unseen hand to come clean with his friend so he said, “Truthfully, Bob, I am having a hard time of it. I wonder if, if…” “Where are you Pete?” Bob asked. Peter quickly told Bob he was at the rehab center and Bob said he would meet him down at the lake. Peter placed his cell phone back in its clip and headed to the lake.
Peter sat staring out at the water, uncertain how much time had passed when he felt a hand on his shoulder as Bob took a seat on the bench. “I come bearing gifts,” Bob said as he handed Peter a cup of his favorite coffee and a pastry from their favorite coffee shop. “Thanks Bob,” Peter said, grateful for the food and coffee, but mostly for the presence of his friend. “Tell me,” Bob said simply giving Peter his full attention.
“Peter was unaccustomed to sharing the intimate details of his life with anyone other than Cora and the Lord, but felt God impressing on him the need to rely on Christian brothers to walk this road with him. His thoughts went back to Nurse Thompson’s prayer and how he felt strangely helped – that seemed to affirm in his mind what he needed to do. He needed to reach out. So clearing his throat he explained the situation to his friend.
Bob listened intently, asking questions here and there to gain understanding; all the while praying in his heart for wisdom from the One who promises to give wisdom to those who ask. As Peter finished Bob reached into the pocket of his briefcase and pulled out a Bible. As he read Psalms the words seemed to rise up off the page and walk right into Peter’s heart – strengthening him. He had been so absorbed in the situation that he had neglected being in the Word for himself, and this thought made him wonder about Cora. In her state she most assuredly had not been in the Word.
Bob noticed the cloud pass over Peter’s face so he asked what he was thinking about. Peter’s voice was raw with emotion as he spoke, “I felt strengthened as you read God’s Word and I realized how long it had been since I had been in the Word with all that has been going on. And then I thought about Cora and how I have failed as a husband to nurture my wife through reading God’s Word to her when she has so obviously been unable to read it for herself,” “Pete,” Bob said, “don’t go down the path of ‘should’ve, could’ve’ – that’s a sure road to despair and exactly where the enemy wants you, so do what God says instead.
Bob opened his Bible to Philippians 4:6-7 and read the words out loud to his friend, “Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God. And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” “So Pete, what do you say we put those words into practice right here and now,” Bob said. Peter nodded in agreement and there on a lakeside bench two men bowed their heads and poured out their requests to the Lord. As they prayed they were unaware of events taking place in a small office tucked into a back corner of the rehab facility just up the hill from where they sat.
Kate handed the form to the woman sitting behind the desk and smiled at her. Kate couldn’t help but smile. The smile on her lips began in her heart – a new heart and just sort of burst out all over. She couldn’t contain it. “You are very young,” the woman behind the desk observed as she peered at Kate over her reading glasses before returning her attention to the paperwork. But then something on the paper caught her eye and she looked up at Kate and then back at the paper and then back at Kate as though unsure what she read was true. “Excuse me a moment,” the woman said as she picked up the paper and disappeared through a door marked: Private. Kate heard whispering from behind the door and then it opened slightly and she saw another woman peering out and then the door closed followed by more whispering. Kate giggled, uncertain of what was going on. All she really knew was that she was sitting in this chair, in this rehab center because the Lord had sent her there. She knew she was young but she also knew with every fiber of her being that God had a call on her life; He was going to use her new heart for His glory – she knew it and the thought caused her to smile all over again. A few floors above where Kate sat a battle was being waged – a battle between the old and the new.
Cora lay in bed staring at the ceiling. She knew her fear was irrational but knowing it didn’t loosen fear’s grip on her. She closed her eyes in an effort to shut out the onslaught of thoughts but was greeted by a vision of Peter’s tired, sad eyes as he had pleaded with her to go outside for a walk. Her eyes flew open to escape what she saw. She reached over and picked up a cup of water and sipped it slowly as her thoughts drifted back to the year before she had the long-awaited surgery.
Cora had been very ill and the illness had attacked the walls of her heart. “You have weak walls,” the doctor had said. She was placed on a list with lots of other people in need of a new heart and so they waited. She was unable to even walk across the room without dizziness, and shortness of breath could come upon her with the smallest of exertions. She had spent the final two months before the surgery in the hospital and how they had prayed and prayed for a new heart to become available. It struck Cora that it was an odd thing to ask God for as it meant the end of someone else’s life. But she had quickly pushed those thoughts aside, and she and Peter had been elated when the news came that a donor heart had become available for Cora.
The weeks immediately following the transplant surgery were a blur of medications, poking and prodding from numerous doctors, checking the wounds and guarding carefully against infection and watching for any sign that Cora’s body would reject the new heart. As time passed and the way smoothed the doctor ordered Cora to be moved to the rehab center located on the eastside of the hospital grounds. Cora had great hope for being able to go home soon and determined to do well and work hard at rehab. But one morning something happened that changed everything.
A couple of weeks into the rehab, the nurse and the technician came in as usual to get her ready. Today she would be walking. She was very excited. They were walking down the hallway when she was gripped by pain in her chest and everything went black. She woke connected to all kinds of machines and felt absolute terror over what had happened. It had turned out to be something minor and really not life threatening but it had rocked her world. A few days later when Nurse Thompson came to prepare her for rehab, Cora had turned away, shutting out any help and refusing to do any exercises. She would not risk such pain again. So here she was months later with a new heart in her chest, but living as though the old heart was still with her.
She set the water cup on the bedside table just as the door opened. Nurse Thompson walked in followed by a young lady who appeared to be no more than sixteen or seventeen years of age. “Why was she here?” Cora thought to herself. Nurse Thompson walked to Cora’s bedside as she said, “Cora, meet Kate. Kate, this is Cora. Cora, Kate is going to read to you today. Would you like to sit in the chair?” Cora bristled inside. She didn’t need to be read to and she certainly didn’t want to get out of her sickbed. “No, I do not want to sit in the chair, and…” Nurse Thompson held up a hand as she spoke firmly, “Cora, you can stay in bed but Kate is going to read to you. Whether you listen or not is your choice.” With that Nurse Thompson turned, and unseen by Cora, winked at Kate as she left the room leaving the smiling Kate alone with her prickly patient.
Kate pulled a chair near the bed and spotted the Bible sitting on the bedside table. “Oh, are you a Christian?” Kate asked. Cora nodded quietly as she studied this young woman. “I am so glad. I know Jesus too,” Kate said with a smile. She noticed Cora’s water cup was nearly empty and stood to refill it, and picked the Bible up before returning to her seat. Cora pointed to a lapel pin on Kate’s blouse as she asked what the pin was for. Kate’s smile broadened as she said, “Oh that is the pin I received in honor of scoring three homeruns on my high school baseball team,” she finished. “Humph,” was the only reply Cora made and proceeded to pretend to look out the window.
Kate had been praying non-stop since she entered the room. She recognized the fear in Cora’s eyes right away, and her heart went out to this woman who seemed unwilling or unable to break the hold fear had on her. Kate opened the Bible, sensing the Lord wanted her to read His Words instead of speaking her own. She quickly turned to Ezekiel 36:26 and began reading. “And I will give you a new heart with new and right desires, and I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony heart of sin and give you a new, obedient heart.”
Kate continued reading, and Cora continued to stare out the window. Kate read verse 35: “And when I bring you back, people will say, ‘This godforsaken land is now like Eden’s garden! The ruined cities now have strong walls…’” Suddenly Cora turned toward Kate, her eyes smoldering with pent up anger as she pointed a finger at Kate and said, “What do you know about it? What do you know about new hearts or old hearts or weak walls? You can’t possibly know or understand. Get out!” Cora shouted, her body shaking with emotion.
As Cora’s words still hung in the air, Kate moved a hand to her blouse and began unbuttoning the top few buttons as she very gently said, “Oh Cora, but I do know. I do understand.” As she opened the buttons the beginnings of a scar appeared; a very familiar sight to Cora’s eyes as it was no different than the scar she bore on her own chest. Kate buttoned her blouse as a stunned Cora lay back on her pillow completely speechless as she stared at Kate.
Kate rose and took a seat on the edge of the bed and reached out and held Cora’s hand as she spoke in a voice full of compassion. “Cora, after my heart transplant I got a horrible infection and they thought my body was rejecting the new heart. But many people were praying and slowly the battle my body and my new heart were having was won. Like you, I was fearful when rehab began. It was slow and painful. I did not like the pain and I was tempted to give up more than once.” Cora squeezed Kate’s hand as she asked, “Kate, how did you overcome your fear? How did you keep going? How?” she asked.
“The Lord and I were having a talk about my new heart one morning, when I especially felt like quitting. The Lord took me to that passage in Ezekiel that I just read to you. It was then the Lord reminded me that someone had to die in order for me to receive the new heart and if I gave up, if I lived like I still had the old heart beating in my chest, well, it would be as if that person had died for nothing.”
Kate sat quietly, letting the Lord speak to Cora. Kate’s words penetrated Cora’s heart of stone and as she thought about all Kate had said and the verses Kate had read, the Lord’s voice thundered through her soul reminding her of One who had died for her so she could have another kind of new heart – an eternal heart that beat for the Lord. She had been behaving and living like she had the old dead heart of sin in her chest instead of the new, reborn heart the Lord had given her when she had invited Him into her heart back in high school. Cora knew then what was needed.
“Kate,” Cora whispered, “I need to ask God’s forgiveness. I have been so wrong about, well, about everything,” she finished. “Let’s pray,” Kate said. As sunlight spilled into the room, Cora poured her heart out to the Lord and ended by asking Him to give her the strength and the courage to move forward on the road to physical wholeness. They finished praying and then Cora spoke through her tears as she asked Kate to call Nurse Thompson. Kate’s smile was contagious and Cora found herself smiling back – it felt good.
The door opened but instead of Nurse Thompson, Peter entered the room. He saw the tears on Cora’s face and the smile on her lips and something different in her eyes. “What is it?” He asked as he hurried to the bed. Cora grabbed both her husband’s hands in hers as she said, “Oh Peter, please forgive me. I have been so very wrong.” Before Cora could finish explaining to her very confused husband all that had happened, Kate returned with Nurse Thompson right behind her.
Kate had filled Nurse Thompson in on what had taken place so Nurse Thompson came prepared with the rehab schedule in hand. “So,” Nurse Thompson said with a smile and a mischievous twinkle in her eye, “how does tomorrow morning at nine fit into your schedule?” Cora raised a hand in protest and shaking her head replied, “Oh no, I don’t want to wait another day. Can’t we begin this afternoon?” she finished. Peter couldn’t take it another moment as he shouted above the laughter, “Would someone please tell me what has happened?” The room fell silent as Cora turned and with a smile on her lips that began in her heart she said, “Oh Peter, haven’t you heard the news? I have a new heart.”
“Thank you for telling me the story,” I said. “We reached the lake and slowed our pace to a walk, my legs feeling like jello. I looked at the numbers on the pedometer and gave an excited whoop. “I reached my goal,” I said excitedly. “5.16 miles.” He whom my soul loves smiled as He said, “That’s very good.” We were quiet a moment and then He asked me what I was going to do when I got home. “Well,” I began, “I will eat breakfast and then get ready for work.” I looked eastward at the horizon where the promise of the coming sun was turning the sky a deep mauve and then His voice thundered through the stillness of the dawn as He said, “Just as you stand in your closet and decide what to wear to work, so too you must decide how to clothe your heart.” My heart turned to Him, giving Him my full attention as He said, “Choose newness.”
I looked up to see Marc and Teddy walking in our direction and I turned to say something to the Lord, but He had gone. As Marc and Teddy and I headed into the day, I remembered the Words the Lord had shared with me from His book about new hearts and strong walls. “Lord,” I said, “when I am tempted to live like the old heart is still beating in my chest, help me to choose newness. Thank you for dying for me so that I could have a new heart. Remind me that living with a sinful heart of stone, is acting as if your death and resurrection don’t matter. Strengthen and build up the walls of my heart; help me to choose newness.” As I prepared to head out the door to work, I found a note the Lord left on the steps just inside my heart’s door, “Dear daughter, I’ll do it.” I tucked the heavenly note into the pocket of my heart along with all the other notes He had written to me so I could read it again and again on days I was tempted to oldness. And with my new heart beating strongly, keeping perfect time with the Lord’s heartbeat I headed into the day where a world already stirred into hurried busyness was waiting to hear that they too could have a new heart.
NEW HEARTS
Lord, in majesty drawing nigh.
Your mighty hand tenderly paints
the color in the desert evening sky.
Look up dear heart
and see the work of His hand;
even the sky obeys the Lord's command.
Be still dear heart,
as before you colors of night unfolding,
the glory of the Lord,
your eyes beholding.
The moon hangs suspended in the night
by Him who spoke to create its light.
The soft colors of dawn reveal God's glory;
telling human hearts of the greatest love story.
And in the west in the dawn so still,
stands a lighted cross upon a hill.
Speaks to us of Him who died;
beaten, broken, crucified.
His lifeless body taken down from the cross;
by hearts shattered and grieved at the loss.
But three days later as the night gave way;
dawn's light came to reveal the stone rolled away.
Victory in Jesus' eyes it shone;
as for our sins He did atone.
And in our souls those hearts of stone;
can be rolled away as His truth has shown.
The earth itself
in His presence does tremble.
Creation sings its praises
at the gates of His temple.
The mountains stretch heavenward
at the sound of His voice;
urging human hearts
to make their choice.
Bow down dear one,
humble your heart.
Worship the Living God
it's not too late to start.
Tears of joy on your face
as you look in His eyes,
Nail scarred hands touch your soul
till you are humble inside.
Then you'll wonder in awe
under dawns soft colored hue
gone is your heart of stone;
and in its place a heart made new.
An Original Conversations at the Well
Diana Morgan
© Copyright January 10, 2010
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